I aspire to lift the veil. Not in the fleeting sense of a psychedelic experience wherein the truth is briefly glimpsed and then promptly forgotten once the effects of the chemical wear off. Not in the sense of a revelatory dream that remains forever inaccessible to the waking mind. No, I wish to permanently transcend this world and this body and become one with the truth. This is my life’s work. I was not made for impermanent things. Ironically enough, I understand intellectually that I am in fact already there and it is not possible that the present moment could be separate from the Eternal Source of All Being, but yet I cannot help but feel that there must be some manner in which this truth can be fully realized and internalized so that it is not merely something which I must continually remind myself but is rather the immediate and ever-present totality of my experiential awareness.
What is my ultimate purpose in seeking to explore my subconscious mind? The subconscious is literally “that which is below consciousness,” so I am seeking parts of my mind or consciousness which are not immediately present in my everyday experience of the world. But why? This impulse to “pierce the veil” feels just as natural as survival. I wish to see what lies beyond the banality of consensus reality and use that knowledge to benefit myself and others. For as long as I can remember, even in childhood, I have been aware that there is more to reality than most people seem to believe or is immediately evident to my senses in a normal everyday context. While the religion of my childhood provided some answers, I had not yet had the experiences that were necessary for me to understand these answers as truth. And that is what lies at the heart of this seeking: experience. I am the type of person who is constantly seeking novel experiences, whether they be in the form of art, insights, or ideas. I trust in my own subjective experience above all else as it is the only thing that I can directly verify. I have understood for a long time now that I can never confirm the conscious experience of others, and though I do believe that each body has a subjective experience as is generated by its neural circuitry, my immediate perception is the only reality I have ever known, at least since I have identified with this particular body. None of this fully answers my question of why I seek to know that which is beyond ordinary consciousness and to obtain occult knowledge, and that may be because I do not have a precise answer as of yet. The impulse, however, is unmistakable, and I trust it and I choose to follow it. This is who I am and to pursue my interests in this regard feels as natural as breathing.
Left Hand Rising 